Thursday, April 28, 2005

gorillaz equal lame

first of all, the new gorillaz album sucks huge hairy gorilla ass. it soundz just like the offspring...WEAK! it sound like the gorillaz, like had a wild gang bang with beck and the offspring while paul rueben's rode shotgun with a pocket rocket and a tube of mint toothpaste. maybe the gorillaz should spend more time on the music and less time on cover art. their rapper is hell of weak. he's like some dimestore wannabe. he's worse than MC SCATCAT off of paula abdul's opposite's attract song. punks. send them to afganistan!

and now let's bow our heads:

"dear god, please make hitchiker's guide to the galaxy be good. please let the wellspring of creativity that marked the novel flow into the movie. with your awesome mystical powers of godliness slap back the coked-up executives who dress like the whitestripes who'd ruin something good just by looking at it. please dispel their haggard ideas, please dispell their emotional midgetry, please dispell their credit card charm. let this work be safe from their foul smelling insecurities so that it may bear witness to those that would try to fix something that wasn't broken. amen. thank you. oh and also let mariah carey's top come down on the red carpet ala tara reid. thank you. godd bless."

here are some observations for the record:

chicks that are overly into gardening are super horny.

guys who where oakley razorblades are emotionally stunted and violent with a sharp streak of small-dick-itis.

women, stop cutting up your shirts already. it was cute 5 years ago. it was shabby chic. now it's just shabby.

black dudes who stand outside the washington mutual talking loud about different movie-deals that are about to "go down" will not get laid. especially if they're wearing Santa-red sweats.

never let your "present" girlfriend read your blog.

gf: where's your blog at?

me: (sheeeeeeeeit. if i don't tell her she'll think i wrote something bad. if i do tell her she'll read what i wrote and use it against me)....ahem, it's at

gf: blogspot? what the fuck is a blog spot. stupid.

me: SHHHHH! (i use the shush technique when my girl asks a question that is either ridiculous or the explanation is too involved) look that's where it is. what do you want me to tell you?


gf: did you really break up with me to play the field?

me: what?

gf: did you break up with me to play the field?

me: no. that was part of it. but mostly i needed space.

gf: space?

me: space.

gf: alright motherfucker, you want some space? borrow some space from the gap in your teeth.

me: am i in trouble again?

gf: no bitch, STILL in trouble.

i can't win! and my girl takes the lead in the relationship.


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