Monday, September 25, 2006

Law School Games

Wow. A Ford Explorer pulled a Thelma & Louise off the The Virgens road leading to the Law School.

Apparently, the poor bastard flew off the edge of the road and plunged down into the canyon around 2:31 PM. The Rescue Chopper found him at the bottom complaining of “back pain.” He’s being put back together by the “Healers” at UCLA.

Imagine the serrated shock arcing between your balls and throat as you and 3 tons of Detroit Steel do the triple lindee into a Malibu Canyon.

Check the story via KTLA

Law schools cool fools.

I devour cases like sour poptarts. Pretty damn interesting. Little bit, little bit. I drove my woman mad by recounting cases. Strange cases. The case where a woman was paralyzed from a hug. The case where a kid tried to claim a Harrier Jet with Pepsi Points. The case where UCLA Medical Team pilfered a man’s spleen to make designer drugs and enrich themselves. Fascinating, nefarious, dark corner stories about greed and sex hatched in the minds without sanctity.

In Criminal Law we finally got down and dirty to Murder. I don’t know why, but I hope the murder stuff will make all the CSI-tards feel the cold, steely sting of inadequacy. Just because you “love” CSI does not make you a cop, a scientist, a lawyer, smart, or even interesting for that matter. It’s a TV show. Its Perry Mason in color BEYOTCHES!

How do Law Students waste time in class?

THru their laptops. You're allowed to have them up for taking notes in class. Except everybody Instant Messages each other instead. The Piedmonts have a nasty little game. A little game of Sexual Innuendo:

Basically, everyone gets on the IM Wire and then wait for the Professor to inadvertently talk about cock, balls, and Pussy and humping. The fingers are off to the races tacking out a way to pervert the Prof’s remarks.

Phraseology uttered by professor and fully vulnerable to Sexual Twisting:

A long row to hoe
Valid Instrument
Explicitly Raised
The defendant was unable to gain relief from the motion
Enjoinder of additional parties
Claims for relief
Special Damage
Motion to strike
Oral presentation
Duty of Care
Interference with advantageous relationships
Enforced Special Performance

We even have a professor with the tawdry last name of GASH. He’s actually a dean. Dean Gash.

There’s this kid that sits in front of me in Torts. His name is Taylor. He is as white as a Confederate Vampire. This milky bastard plays this game called RAGDOLL every friggin’ day. The game is black and white. You manipulate a stick figure in a black and white world. The Figure’s arms dangle, like a rag doll, as you use the arrow keys to move him left or right. You animate this helpless creature to dodge the falling daggers. In this universe there are daggers falling from the heavens with pointing down. This disturbing little game’s core objective is to keep ragdoll alive. But alas, there are two many knives and inevitably the ragdoll is stabbed repeatedly. The violence is heightened by the fact that blood is red, and the hacked off body parts bounce, and you can continue to make ragdoll move, even though he’s missing body parts. The funny thing is, that Milky Bastard told all of us that the reason he decided to go to law school is that his friends trust him to resolve all their disputes. And here he was, existing in the fantasy world of Maimery. It supports my contention that all mediators are sadists at heart.

Click here to play the game a'la Milky Bastard


MB Esq.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

More on Dean Gash here, who was apparently nominated for "Law School Dean Hottie".

5:26 AM


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