Sunday, October 08, 2006


I slept in until 6:30 am this morning. I usually get up at 5 but there’s no school today. I don’t know why but face always feels bloated when I sleep in a little. Puffy Face Article Here.

I zipped the dog around and talked to naz real fast so I could meet my friends for coffee. I like to roost at the tables and peck around with the usual chicken heads. We commune at Starbucks deep in the prostate of west Hollywood. The one where men will open the door for other men and make you feel weird deep down inside.

I sat next to black nikki. she’s a terminator black broad and shit. she’s got a fanny pack and glasses and dreds. She looks like one of scary opponents from The Running Man.

My buddy calls her the predator. she’s attracted heroin-thin junky type white guys, which is shocking because she looks like she needs more dick than that. the kind of dick that white dudes can’t provide. She’s a rare black person in that, she doesn’t have a bubble ass.

we were talking about the difference between white and black strippers. white strippers get naked like ballet, they move slow and light.

Some white chicks considering stripping a form of exercise. Leave it to chicks to turn something that horny men value into some form of exercise.

black strippers like pump their shit. they shake their ass and make their cheeks clap. sometimes they even look over their shoulder to watch their own ass shake. they slam their boxes down on the ground in a move that my buddy Ronnie calls the “bootie womp.” they’re the only strippers that actually make most men feel inadequate when they strip. A regular dude's dick is like a hot dog stand and a black stripper's vagina is like the perfect storm.

while we were talking smack I heard this popping noise and looked up in the sky. a palm tree’s fronds were touching power lines. the palm frond was dried, so it was sparking and smoking and crap. Nikki was like, “shit how did you see that? You really are Indian.” Sheeeeit Indians can see smoke and casino lights from miles away.

I called the west Hollywood fire department. What am I supposed to do? it wasn’t an outright fire but, damn, maybe the restaurant underneath it, fat fish would burn down. Another friend who looks like Johnny Depp, except he isn’t rich said, “good, I hope that pretentious piece of shit restaurant does burn down.” Isn't strange when you uncover some non-sequetor hate in people you thought you knew? Why was Bizarro Johnny Depp angry at that restaurant?

The fire fighters showed up and didn’t do shit. Of course, it’s one giant gay fire department, going around and putting out gay fires. They've probably exhausted every double penis entendre firfighting has to offer. The must have a lot fun sliding down the pole, wheeeeee. Anyways they had major attitude. I could see the damn thing smoking and the Firefighter flounced out and was like:

FF: Where’s the fire sailor?
Me: Up there. See those palm fronds?
FF: [grimacing in disbelief] That’s it?
Me: Yeah, well, I mean, it’s smoking and sparking.
FF: Branches fall on wires all the time honey.
Me: You just leave it?
FF: We’re not going to put water on it. Water conducts electricity and makes it worse.
Me: [wtf? Did I interrupt them watching Queer Eye?] No one cuts down a branch that’s smoking on the wires? What about the wind?
FF: That’s the city’s job.
Me: Whatever, I told you guys about it, so if you don’t cut it down and the city burns it’s on you. I did my job. You knew about it. [I looked at my watch] it’s 9:33 AM. recorded. If the city burns down at 10:30, I’ll have to say I warned you fellas at 9:33AM.
FF: [he looked at me like he wanted to kill me, aren’t these the jerks that are supposed to get kittens out of a tree?]
Me: Listen, it was a single cow that burned down all of Chicago, so, I do what you want? You obviously know your stuff.

As I left, they were stretching the ladder out. lazy bastards. my buddy Mike White said, “Public workers are usually assholes anyways.” I guess Mike was right, gay or straight, government workers are afflicted by bureaucratic bullshit.

Mike & beagled over to Norms to tie on a couple Chicken Fried Steak breakfasts.

I studied Civil Procedures the rest of the day.