A Saturday in the Dude's Life

Saturday November, 2006.

6: 15AM.
Woke up. Cursing because the gods forbade me to sleep in today. Peed in the shower because morning wood barred a good angle into the toilet. I don’t want “rim splatter” because then my girl yaps in my ear. Me and my damn ears don’t need that.


9ish AM
Walked George the Dog. Past Urth Café. The café is a pain in my ass at the end of our block. Women and Gay men love it for its “organic” salads. Hetero’s hate it because the food is tasteless. All the Nicole Richie’s of the world are there, still oozing from yester night. They got their little zipper dogs. Tiny and out of control. They carry the mint curs like second purses. A hung over lady jammed her Chihuahua into her purse and the little bugger ripped into “mommy’s nose candy.” There was this “Never Cry Wolf” little howl and then her purse started jumping all around. Like someone lit a brick of fireworks in her bag. Like a giant Infernal Gucci jumping bean delivered from Satan’s poncho. She started screaming, and some freak-sack with sensitive hair tried to yank the bag from her to let the mutt out. George and I are thinking the same thing “Freaks.” He pissed on the LA Weekly dispenser.

9:45AM
Pulled on the leash to keep George the Dog from stepping in his own shit which wound up pulling him into his own shit. Figures.

10:00AM
Took a wet warm wash cloth to the dog’s shitty paws. Picking poo from between a dog’s toes ain’t easy. They got webbing in there. Doesn’t seem to bother him one iota. Maybe these four-legged jaggoff’s like the attention. Cleaning George’s feet, it dawns on me that I am only a “Boardwalk Ave.” away from cleaning poopy diapers.

10:45AM
Making coffee cake. The internet told me how. Except I used French Pressed Sumatra Coffee instead of Milk. And I put real coffee grounds in the crumbly part to give the cake some pelvic thrust. I mean why not right? Don’t these swanky Euro-types got chocolate covered espresso beans?

11:00AM
Quadruple checked when coffee cake will be ready. Me like carbs, uhg!

11:30AM
After extensive self-congratulations on successful coffee cake, studied Civil Procedure.

1:30PM
Met with Ronnie Love and Black Mike White to work on an African American Film project. The project not cleared for Blog Purposes due to the sensitive nature of Race Relations and we don’t want some other rat eating our cheese, know what I’m sayin?

3:30PM
Researched my memo on Westlaw. How the hell did MF’ers research crap before the internet?

4:30PM
Took a break playing Puzzle Pirates. Check it out here. Not really a blood and guts game, but it is free. Basically, you play various knock-off’s of common internet games to earn points and buy pirate accessories to outfit your pirate with. These are non-threatening Fischer Price style pirates. But, still, it’s not Law School.

Check Out Game here
http://www.puzzlepirates.com

5:45PM
Did Laundry.

7:00PM
Realized that I drank 6 Coke Zero’s today. Hey, why am I growing a thumb in the middle of my back?

8:00PM
Talked to my Auntie Sherry. She’s visiting my pops, who’s recovering from an illness at home. [I visited him in the hospital, a subject to return to later] Anyways, she brought with her my great-grandfather’s diaries. He was Louie Bowen. No kiddin’. She read them to my dad while he was laid up in bed. A pretty loving thing to do really.

I might return to Great-Grandpa Louie’s diaries and diary-ing. [Not Diarrhea, which some might consider Diaries to be] But there might be a marked difference between making a diary in 1917 and 2006. A Blog vs. a book maybe.

9:00PM
Star Trek the Next Generation. Man do I love Counselor Troy. She is hot. She’s an Empath [she can sense other's feelings. like the one growing in my shorts] with thick black hair, nice healthy breasts. Mmmmmm. I hate Number One. Incompetent and bland. Such a loser. He’s basically Jean Luc Picard’s “Al Gore.” I have yet come to terms with the fact that I’m a Sci-Fi geek. My dad thinks it’s a waste of time because none of this crap can help a man earn a living in the real world. To him Sci-Fi is basically cartoons with real people. I suppose he has a point, but then again, I don’t see how reading the Arizona Republic is any “More” based in reality. Isn’t the news escapism too? Most of the facts are colored by spin doctors, then filtered through corporate agendas. It’s a bigger lie than Sci-Fi because at least Sci-Fi doesn’t claim to be based on fact like the News. Anyways…Star Trek the Next Generation doesn’t hold up, but the soundtrack does.




10:00PM
Learned Japanese style of Folding T-shirts off of youTUBE. Shirt-Origami.
Video Link Below
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xOHHQMQBd5s