Monday, November 14, 2005

manstink monday



it's nice to see arnie taking a break from his tour of china by frolicking with young boys on an "Ultimate Asian Sex Safari" in Thailand.


It was man-stink Monday at the job. Nothing is more decrepid and rank than old-man stink. Old man-stink is a cross between barbasol shaving cream, dewars scotch, and ass. Our building which has 42 floors. My job is perched up on the 37th, so I’ve got a long haul in an elevator that's been impregnated with man-stink.

at a certain age men get this malignant odor, like the red meat and bacon grease finally caught up to them and there’s a perpetual leak of foulness from their bowels. Oddly enough the attempt to cover it up with “cologne” actually only intensifies the nastiness. The smell has the staying power of rotten chicken mixed with dick clark. The other day I went into a completely empty elevator and the man-stench was wall to wall. It really makes me wonder what goes through gay men’s minds. Do they smell the funk? Or do they like it. Is man stink like a "pheramone" to them? Maybe gay men are like sharks, swimming around trying to pick up another gay guy's scent in the air. Being gay really must be a natural phenomenon, who'd purposely seek their fortunes in the asses of men. eeeech.

Speaking of gay men, some woman the other day was crying because some gay guys were making fun of her and calling her a “fish.”

Man there are some stupid conversations at work. I mean stupid, What the hell are people talking about? Crazy.

Conversation between Sophie and John, true-life characters from earlier portraits.

(sophie sees john is carrying two pastries from starbucks)

S: two?
J: Today was not a day for decisions. I have a headache.
S: what was the decision between?
J: A chocolate covered donut, or a non-chocolate covered donut.
S: So you got two?
J: I’m a little edgy today.
S: wow, you’re crazy.

Is this bitch serious? Crazy? Two donuts is not crazy, it may be a fatty’s personal joy, but it isn’t crazy. Crazy is when I pull out a samurai sword and hack off john’s fore arms and his head in one swing so his donuts and head can roll across the floor and watch the bloody neck fountain shoot all over sophie’s doughy face as she screams. That’s crazy.

Crazy would be socking our boss in the chest at the company picnic.
Crazy would be smoking a weed at the team meeting.
Crazy would be farting in the water cups and turning them over.
Crazy would be putting viagra in the coffee urn.
Crazy would be taking a blow torch and melting down the plastic jack-o-lantern still hanging up since Halloween,
Crazy would be planting nude photos of Montel Williams in John’s office.
Crazy would be feeling up the old bag in records just to be nice.

i don't spell check


c-

4 Comments:

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's going to be interesting when you get fired for blogging about your job. Oh, somebody will find it. They always do.

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