Saturday, May 14, 2005

music edition

music notes:

BECK = adult contemporary gay sunset strip rock. thumbs down. way down. his new album E-Pro." total plastic saddled w/ stale hip-hop drums and a totally "david spade" haircut. lame. all the pieces are there, but there's zero passion.

request:

can the hip-hop community (mostly black, sprinkled with some frustrated asians) please pronounce the "th" in "something?" get on it. straighten up and fly right.

Also, don't let all your "dogs" talk over your tracks. It doesn't sound like a party. it sounds like someone forgot to write more lyrics. I know DMX does it, but even when he does it, it's annoying.

Good Song:

A Good Sad Song/Beer Song/Break up Depression redux song/
Mary Gauthier, Mercy Now, from her album Mercy Now.

NIN= the new album (With Teeth) sort of picks up where dude left off. Trent Reznor is the male version of wednesday addams. it's pretty good, but he does seem more femme now. or maybe i'm getting more masculine (doubtful, if i get anymore masculine i'm gonna have to buy a blue ox). he didn't reinvent himself, he could kick moby's ass. he just needs to get some sun. the guy looks like he spent all of 2004 on his knees searching for crack rock in a hotel carpet. he gets the "stay the same" award.

UNDISTINGUISHABLE INDIE ROCK REPORT:
ted leo & the pharmicist sound like the white stripes which sound like spoon which sounds like wilco which sounds like the strokes which sound like the dandy warhols...these bands are actually all the same band. the "band" is a phalanx of record executives who a backlog of neil diamond hits due to a legal settlement involving the mob and a guidance counselor. they wear wigs and make up and do covers of these song to offset their losses when the dot com bubble burst.

GANGSTA RAP UPDATE:

Hitman Sammy Sam is as uninventive as his name suggests

50 Cent is tired, his new album should be called rehash

Eminem's encore has some hot tracks and he's still the best rapper around but his new album is just more of the same...maybe that's why it's called Encore (mockingbird is one of the best rap songs.)

The GAME - is better than people give him credit for. he's somewhere between Eminem and 50 cent. he's great, although i don't care that he was shot. and i think his album art (him sitting on tires) is uninspired. maybe Dr. Dre is so busy procrastinating on DETOX that he isn't spending enough time with his protege's.

MANNIE FRESH: like most rap artists suffer from super-sick tight beats and like lyrics running on half-empty. he's hit and miss, usually miss, but his tunes are always worth a listen.

The "Don't Bother" list:

DA ENTOURAGE: Album Da Entourage Single: Da Boot (anything with Da in the title and it ain't Russian has to suck, btw, Russian music probably sucks too, the only instruments they have in Russia are vodka, potatoes, and black market plutonium)

504 BOYS = it's like you went to a korean swap meet to buy cheap DMX knock offs

UNSCRAMBLE CONTEST:

name this cheesey white guy rocker:

otnprrteeapmf

The winner receives a prolonged tea bag from tea bag specialist Lizzie "the hot drop" Klover.

i don't spell check.

2 Comments:

Blogger tulips4me said...

I'm not into any of the groups you're talking about, but who really cares if I say nut-in instead of "nothing". Get back to some funny posts.

5:03 PM

 
Anonymous cruster said...

PETER FRAMPTACH, beeyotch.

10:07 AM

 

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