Saturday, May 28, 2005

Rejected By My own Family

well, i did it again. i mortally offended another relative. my aunt read my blog and then chewed me out. she hasn't cleared this but i was so distrought that i thought i'd share it with you guys anyways:

"Dear Nephew,

I am back from Japan. Wish I could say I enjoyed reading your blogspot but I definitely did not. Not things I want to know about. And way too crude for me. You can take me off your mailing list so I guess I am a bastard although if you look at photos of me and Dad you won't be able to say that for long. Guess I am just not cut out for Hollywood trashy talk. Sorry kiddo. I'd rather hold on to my illusions about you.

Auntie Sherry"

wow. what a kick in the nuts. what's surprising is that she had any illusions about me at all. i mean, it's not a secret that i'm half mongoloid. i'm going to go out on a limb and say i bet she doesn't really wish she could say she enjoyed reading my "blogspot." o well, i can't win them all, or even some of them. my own flesh and blood, my ancenstry, wishing to be off the mailing list. damn. that's cold. "hollywood trashy talk?" that's genius. i might rename my blog "hollywood trashy talk." i'm naming my firstborn "hollywood trashy talk."

me as a father: no, no, no, no, no hollywood trashy talk, we do not pull our pants down in the supermarket.

maf: one more word out of you hollywood trashy talk and you can kiss the senior trip goodbye.

and just for the record, JAPAN is one of the most perverted cultures on the planet, just watch one of their cartoons...

well, you have to understand my aunt is a PhD in Near Eastern Studies. She goes on acrheological digs all the time. That's the only reason why I know anything about "cuneiform" writing which i refferenced in my "mysterious woman's ass" page. i can't believe she wasn't flattered that i remembered that. i should tell her, "you're academic prowess has given my fart jokes new life, you should be proud." "i'm taking all your hard study and turning it into golden nuggets." she's big into pavorotti too. i won't make any fat jokes about him either because i don't want to screw up my christmas. o, and she's a major feminist too. so i suppose my girl ass comments went over like a lead balloon with her.

anyways, what really kills me is that i started this blog to tell the truth. in my regular life i'm not allowed to go on about this stuff. i have to kiss ass and be nice and polite and treat others as i want to be treated. and for a guy with my kind of sickness, that's tough. it's like a pressure cooker, like a crock pot. i'm just seething inside with inappropriateness. it's embarrassing. totally embarrassing. but it's me. what can i do? so i thought, instead of getting brain bubbles, i'll just write a blog, get it out of my system, schtick it up a little and relieve the pressure. this is the true me and it's a greasy carnival at best. and my aunt would rather not know the true me, but wants to hold onto some clean fantasy of who i am. i can respect that. when i found out that celine dion was canadian i was devestated (just kidding).

ok auntie sherry, you're off the list old gal.
you shall never again know the monkey mind antics
of your darling nephew. and this ones for you: fuckshitbullcock
bfartsfelchmasterrimjobhomeless69parties and caca-dutie,

goodnight and god bless.

i love you auntie sherry.


i don't spell check


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Did the medicinebear go into hibernation?

12:10 PM


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